


How Dean Dangerous Once More Defeated The Evil El Tigre

by rufeepeach



Category: Community
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-06-04
Updated: 2012-06-04
Packaged: 2017-11-06 20:01:32
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,350
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/422668
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rufeepeach/pseuds/rufeepeach
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>When a cruel and dangerous enemy starts terrorizing Greendale Community College, it is time for the Dean to take matters into his own hands.</p>
            </blockquote>





	How Dean Dangerous Once More Defeated The Evil El Tigre

The campus is silent and peaceful for exactly three hours after classes end.

I timed it. That’s when Dean Pelton, the mild-mannered, surprisingly good-looking Greendale College Dean, finishes his paperwork, and finishes up by taking a stroll to the empty janitorial closet.

He doesn’t come out again.

Instead, Dean Dangerous (shortened to Double D), the mysterious and magnetic (not literally) campus protector strides out into the corridors, and proceeds to keep the Greendale Community College safe from those who would seek to destroy it.

That’s me: the master of disguise, and this campus’s only hope of surviving each night.

That night seemed different, somehow. I sniff the air on the quad, detecting the unmistakable smell of cheap petroleum under the usual aroma of old hotdogs and Starburns.

El Tigre. My arch nemesis, was around that night.

Sometimes, the campus is unplagued for nights at a time. Often, the sight of my masked malevolence, my fearsome dark spandex, ever vigilant, is enough to scare local ruffians away with just a look. They run for their lives, laughing uncontrollably from pure terror.

But nights like that one, they’re different. They remind me of the first night… the night Double-D was born.

“Welcome, everyone, to our first ever Greendale drug-awareness fair!!!” Pelton, for that was all I was in those days, those bright, simple days, announced in a booming voice that sent a shiver down the spine of everyone in the room. “I’m sure you’ve all seen the wonderful displays made up by our organizer, Miss Annie Edison, give us a wave, Annie!” Annie waved from her seat on the stage, “She organized this whole thing herself, and would like to give a few words now, Annie?”

She stepped forward, and I drew backwards, standing to one side. My eyes were keen, even then, and he saw the subtle change in Jeffrey Winger’s demeanor at the change over.

“Okay, so, as many of you already know, this subject is close to my heart. Since Greendale has done so much to help me in the past year, I thought it was my turn to give something back. So enjoy the fair, and remember, if you’re going to be addicted… get hooked on knowledge!”

I caught Jeff’s smirk at the catchphrase and Annie’s childish enthusiasm. He smiled back, and enjoyed the look of shock on the man’s face. He just wasn’t ready, yet.

“Dean,” Annie interrupted, as the crowd dispersed, “Can I talk to you for a moment?”

“Sure, Annie, how could I refuse after all this work?” He grinned, her smile infectious, “get hooked on knowledge!”

She giggled, and I lead her into the office, taking a seat behind my desk and gestured for her to take the opposite one “So, what’s up?”

“I…” it was difficult for her, I could tell, admitting a weakness in front of someone she so clearly admired and respected.

“What is it, you can tell me anything!” I prompted.

“I just… I need you to take something off my hands.”

“Oh, Annie, this isn’t something illegal is it?”

“No! No!” Annie giggled, nervous, “I just…” she sighed, fidgeting “An old friend of mine came around a few days ago, from high school… my pre-Adderall days.”

“Go on…”

“Well, she’s still on that path - caffeine pills, concentration enhancers, that stuff. She left some behind by accident, and I can’t have that around me. At all.”

“Well, of course, I’d be happy to dispose of such things for you.”

Her face lit up with relief, “Oh, thank you!” She pulled a few containers of pills out of her backpack, and put them on my desk.

“I’d better get back to the fair. Thank you so much, Dean, you’re the best!”

I nodded, manfully shrugging off her girlish praise, and surveyed the pills thoughtfully.

I never meant to take them, at first. But then, El Tigre, scourge of the cafeteria, reared his ugly head once more, and it was time to take action. The pills can keep a man awake all night, and give the energy needed to fight evil.

So, every night, I patrol. No one knows the identity of the masked menace, never in our duels and stand-offs has he shown his face, concealed behind a red and yellow wrestling mask.

My own identity was cleverly disguised by a black catsuit, and matching mask. My thinking was, one must be a cat, to catch a cat. El Tigre may be a tiger, but I was a fearsome jaguar. This ended tonight.

I stalked down the corridor, that night, outside the Spanish room. I often pitied Senor Chang: El Tigre had made the Spanish room his own, and had invaded Chang’s domain there.

There he was, behind Chang’s desk, filling what looked like a paintball gun. I took a shocked step backward: I’d never before caught him in his preparations: we always met mid-caper.

He was armed.

I high-tailed it back to the office, and rummaged in the supply cupboards. My nephews had left a SuperSoaker water gun behind the last time they terrorized the campus. I refilled it, and tested a few times.

We met in the Spanish room; I had the element of surprise.

“So, El Tigre, we meet again.” My voice rang out in the classroom, and my nemesis spun to face me.

“Double D - I thought I sensed an aura of fail.”

“I’m surprised you could behind that mask. We’re all over Mexican wrestling, find a new theme.”

“Oh right, this from the guy in the catwoman suit. Shame you don’t have the figure to fill it out.” Tigre started to giggle maniacally, “Aw, hell to the SNAP!”

“When I unmask you, and I will, believe me there will be serious consequences for your behavior.” He didn’t seem to heed my threat, he just gave that crazy laugh again. “What are you doing on campus at this time of night?”

“Jeff Winger’s study group’s desks need… modifying.” I could see his evil grin behind his mask.

I aimed by gun, “Don’t make me soak you. Because I will.”

“You’re forgetting something, Double-D.” El Tigre mimicked my posture, arms thrown back, daring.

“Oh, really, and what’s that?”

“If the campus gets destroyed, it’s you who’ll be blamed. The Dean trusts you to stop me.”

“The Dean’ll understand if it’s in the line of kicking your ass!” I snarled, and Jeffrey Winger couldn’t have sounded more badass.

“Bring it on bitch!” His voice went insanely high at the end, and once again I felt that weird familiarity.

He fired three paintballs in quick succession, and they struck me across the chest, “Do you know how expensive this outfit is to dry clean?!”

“Ask your precious Dean to foot the bill!”

“He doesn’t earn enough to keep doing this!” I fired my water gun, and got him right in his wide-open mouth.

He choked and spluttered, and I took the opportunity to advance and leap around the desks, to land behind him in the isle, and shoot him right in the keister.

“Ah!” He cried out, jumping in the air and slipping on some spilt paint, to land on his back, “This place doesn’t give health insurance dip-wad!”

“Ah-HA!” I crowed, continuing to blast him with water, “So you are a staff member!”

“You’ll never discover my true identity, Double-D!” He spat at me.

“Ugh, you know, that’s just unhygienic.”

He grabbed his gun, in my distraction, and started shooting wildly into the air, “Tell the Dean El Tigre was here!” He threw a smoke bomb - (not to self, buy some of those for next time) - and leapt to his feet, in the distracting haze, he kept firing and ran for the exits.

When the smoke cleared, El Tigre was gone, and I was left alone in the Spanish room. Looking at the mess, I hoped Senor Chang would agree to a room-change for the next day: it would take days to clean this place.

And with that, Double D, having once more dashed the plans of his arch-nemesis, disappeared into the Greendale night, ready to fight another night.


End file.
